Who is Doing the Driving?
What is Right for YOU?
The first thing to remember is that it’s about YOU. Not anyone else. Everyone is different and what is right for your friend or your sibling or anyone else is not necessarily going to be right for you. Throw out any ideas that you have to follow anyone else, please anyone else or do what anyone else tells you to do. This is all about YOU.
The second thing to remember is that comparison is futile. Mark Twain is said to have once said “Comparison is the death of joy” and there is no quicker way to make yourself miserable than to to start comparing yourself to others. They are them. You are you. The only one who can do you is you. So do you.
In the next sections we’re going to look at values and purpose which will help you work out what is right for you. It’s also important to tune into your gut instinct. Self-care can bring us more in tune with our bodies and better able to listen to our gut instinct. For some self-care ideas, take a look at my blog post in January - It’s all about Self.
My gut instinct played a big part in my decision to leave my corporate career in 2019. I was a lawyer from 1992 to 2011 and then from 2012 to 2019 I worked in a law firm in risk and compliance. So all my working life I’d been in law firms in one role or another. It was my comfort zone, it was what I knew. It would have been easy to stay from a financial point of view but I couldn’t stay. It was no longer was in line with my values once I’d realised what they were. I am a people person and I was more interested in their experience of work than the actual work. It was time to leave. It was scary, I didn’t have a plan but I knew in my heart I had to do something that made my heart and soul sing. Plenty of people tried to tell me I was doing the wrong thing, that I was “throwing away” my career, but my gut instinct told me it was time to do something different. I have never regretted it.
What Values are important to you?
Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. They determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.
When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you're satisfied and content. But when these don't align with your personal values, that's when things feel... wrong. This can be a real source of unhappiness.
This is why making a conscious effort to identify your values is so important. They may change as you go through your life or as you grow and develop.
There are lots of free values exercises online or you can try this one:
Work out times when you are happiest, proud and fulfilled. Using a list of generic values as a guide (just look for “values list” online), work out what it was in those moments that made you feel happiest etc. Aim for about 10.
Group the values together – you usually find that some naturally group together like helping others, ambition, financial security etc. Take 2 at a time and work out which are the more important. Dig deep inside for this exercise – you will need some quiet time alone.
Whittle it down to top 3. Check they are the right 3. Do they mean something to you? Can you explain them? I like to help others so that could easily be one of mine but my 3 at the moment are leadership, intuition and uniqueness. They relate to me and others and by demonstrating these values I help myself and others.
Our values can change over time so it is useful to revisit this exercise over time.
Published April 2021
Inner drive is that “thing” deep inside that gets you to carry on when you think you can’t. So in answer to my question “Who is doing the driving?”, the answer is YOU.
I know that sometimes it’s hard to know where the drive is coming from. More importantly, perhaps, it’s even harder to know how to summon up that drive when it seems to be escaping you. In this blog post I’m going to look at:
How to work out what’s right for YOU
What is your purpose?
What values are important to you?
What is important to focus on?
What is your Purpose?
Recent studies have found that living a purposeful life not only makes people happier and more successful, but can also lead to other benefits including job satisfaction, longer life-span and better sleep. If you’re feeling lost or stuck, finding your life purpose can help you move forward. Find a quiet space with a cup of tea, a pen and a notebook and follow these steps:
Be curious – approach the exercise like a child as children are naturally curious and approach new things without fear or judgement. Have no expectations and focus on observing any insights that come up.
Set the intention to find your purpose – this may seem basic but it sends a powerful message to your subconscious and helps you access your inspiration and ideas buried deep within you. Write your intention down in your notebook – it is more powerful writing it.
Write a list of things that are important to you. No judgement just write – love, family, independence, fun, the planet, people ….
What is your heart’s desire – if you didn’t have to worry about responsibilities, money, your career. Write down everything that comes to mind.
What did you want to be as a child and why?
What would you do if you didn’t need money? Thinking that money equals happiness is a big source of unhappiness.
Where do you lose yourself? When are you most in flow? Where times just passes.
Putting it all together - circle recurring words, thoughts or ideas. What inspired you the most? Summarise it in one short sentence – I am here to ….. empower people through positivity and empathy.
Finding your purpose is one of the most powerful things you will do in your life. Make your purpose part of your everyday life.
Have you heard of Ikigai? It’s a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being”. Finding your Ikigai is essentially about combining what you love, with what you’re good at, with what you can get paid for and with what the world needs. Sounds pretty good!
What is important to focus on?
If we understand our values and purpose it helps us make decisions. By relating back to our values and making decisions in line with our values, it helps us keep on track. Values guide our decisions.
At times when our inner critic is telling us we’re not worthy or we’re not good enough or is making us feel fear, we can look to our purpose and values and know that we have those foundations to our life and business and we are worthy, we are good enough and there is no need to be afraid. Don’t trust the voice of dysfunction, trust your voice of truth, self-worth and wisdom and it will become louder.
As a general look at our self-worth, it’s important to focus on:
What is right with you instead of the tendency to focus on what is wrong. I used to think if only I was slim I would be happy and then I lost 5 stone in 2009 and I still wasn’t happy. Focusing on my innate qualities has made me much happier. I am happy with me as I am today rather than waiting for changes to happen to make me happy.
Teach people how to treat you and stop accepting less than you deserve. Don’t wait for them to realise, as most people aren’t mind readers. You need to ask or show them. It’s easy to look externally to make us feel worthy and loved and this usually leads us to not want to upset others. Learning to stand up for our own needs helps us reclaim our self-worth and feel better in the long run.
Recognise that self-care is important and is an essential part of supporting yourself. Don’t let yourself always be at the bottom of your to do list.
