Making Decisions/Taking Risks
These are two sides of the same thing really as all decisions have risk involved. If there was only one choice, it wouldn’t be a decision and if there’s more than one choice there is risk involved. Risk leads to fear – fear of making the wrong choice, getting it wrong, fear of what others might think about our choice. Fear is the biggest thing that holds us back so making decisions from fear is going to make us play small – this means restricting our life and business to avoid feeling the fear.
You can’t build your simple and fun life if:
You’re scared to make a decision in case you upset someone
You’re scared to say “no” to a friend in case they don’t ask you again
You want to change direction but are nervous in case it doesn’t work
You don’t put in place boundaries because it makes you feel uncomfortable
You let important boundaries slide because you’re afraid if you speak up you’ll upset people
You turn down opportunities (or don’t put yourself forward for them) because you feel you’re not ready
You don’t share what you want because you’re worried you’re not “good enough” or “qualified enough” or “experienced enough” yet to do so.
All feelings are valid, including fear, and fear’s job is to keep us safe. This is helpful if we are putting ourselves in danger but not so helpful if it’s the leading voice in our life.
Fear
If fear is playing a part in us making decisions or taking risks, we are likely to not ask for what we really want because of:
Fear of not being worthy
Fear of what other’s think
Fear of being rejected
Other fears may play a part too, but those are the more usual ones. If you feel these, you will struggle to ask for what you want. If you learn to settle for what you’re given, rather than ask for what you want, you stop even hearing the voice of your wants and desires. This makes decision making and taking risks even harder.
To work on this, try writing in a journal every day for a week…
I want… e.g.
a good night’s sleep
the pain in my shoulder to stop
my baby to sleep through the night
to do 30 minutes of yoga a day
to have a coffee with my friend every week
to take Fridays off
to only work with clients who understand the value of what I’m offering and are prepared to pay for it.
You’ll be surprised what comes up for you. Once you know what you want, you can start asking and you can start using those wants in your decision making process. It’s ok to get some of what you want sometimes.
Start this week!
Receive
A lot of people find it easy to give but much harder to receive. As a kid my survival strategy was to please others and do all I can for others – giving is super easy and natural, receiving … well what is that? My receiving pathway was well and truly blocked.
This is how your blocked receiving path might be showing up for you:
Doing extra work and not getting paid - does this sound familiar?
Receiving love from your partner - do you push them away sometimes?
Receiving help – would you rather struggle than ask for help - e.g. carrying boxes?
Receiving kindness – do you find it hard letting others pay and do you then end up paying for everyone?
Receiving support – do you follow up on kind offers?
Quick question:
Can you take a compliment? If you feel uncomfortable you can guarantee not being able to receive will show up in other areas.
Try to journal on ways you’ve stopped yourself receiving:
Money
Joy and happiness
Compliments
Kindness
Love
Support
Try an affirmation – I allow myself to fully receive and enjoy ….. from others when offered.
Making decisions:
There are 4 basic elements to making decisions:
Knowledge - gather information to enable you to make an informed decisions
Action - take action
Support - seek out support in your process
Reflection - how has it gone? What have you learned?
Gut Instinct
People talk about using “gut instinct” to make decisions, but what is this? It’s a feeling, often said to be in our gut, of whether something is the right thing for us. When I left my corporate job lots of people told me I shouldn’t walk away from all those years of training and experience but something in my body - my gut instinct- told me it was the right thing to do. So I did it and I have never regretted it.
We live such busy lives that we can lose touch with our gut instinct and sometimes we just don’t listen. In my blog on self-care I talk things to do that can bring us more in tune with ourselves and learn to listen to our gut. A good morning routine is a really great place to start.
Fear of Failure
Fear of failure can be a real block. Try to reframe even the possibility of failure as a step towards success or an information gathering exercise.
You have everything you need and you are stronger than you think. Take a deep breath or two and make that decision.
What others think
Don’t let what others think hold you back. For more on what others think see my previous blog post.
Try to remember that all the time spent worrying about what others think could be time spent doing something for you instead.
You can’t control everything, least of all what other people think.
Remember: You don’t have to have it all figured out. Take it one step at a time.
Own your awesome
Published March 2021
