Acceptance
The Body Knows
As far as I am concerned, I understand that acceptance is the best thing we can work on for our inner peace. It is is a biggie for me though. Just writing about it makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s funny that even though I didn’t know I had such an issue with acceptance, my body knows it and is showing me by making me feel uncomfortable. My breathing is more erratic, like breath is a bit harder to come by, my stomach is churning a little and my throat keeps swallowing. All very strange but useful information to show me how big a thing this is.
Acceptance means ….
I suppose acceptance in my younger years meant accepting the way things were, i.e. something is just as it is and I have to put up with it. More like being resigned to it. My Dad had left and it was never talked about, my Mum was an alcoholic and that was never talked about, lots of other things happened and they never got talked about. We were a “make it all look fine on the outside” kind of family even if it was all falling apart on the inside.
It was only as I entered therapy in 2017 at the age of 47 that I came across the other idea of acceptance: being received as adequate, valid or suitable. I had no idea about this or if I did I certainly didn’t practice acceptance when it came to myself. The very idea of me thinking that I was in any way adequate, valid or suitable is hilarious and yet so sad. I had no idea such a thing existed and I hadn’t come across people who talked this this so it wasn’t on my radar at all.
Acceptance and I have a much better relationship now. Finding acceptance for myself from myself has been the greatest gift. It isn’t always easy and takes constant work but it is something I have achieved. It was acceptance that enabled me to stand up at the front of my counselling course group for my review and say “This is me”. It was acceptance that enabled me to stand up in front of an audience of strangers at Story Slam and say “I have every much of a right to stand here and tell my story as anyone else here”. It is acceptance that enabled me to start living a whole life instead of half a life and see the joy in the mundanity of everyday life.
Acceptance, because ….
I accept me for who I am with all my foibles, in fact because of my foibles, such as:
• My body is much bigger than I’d like it to be
• I am impatient and want everything done yesterday
• I work super quick and often leave people behind
• I shout, a lot
• I am critical of myself far too easily
• I often sound critical of others (even if I don’t mean to be)
• I am a nosey neighbour
• I don’t do any ironing anymore
• I don’t always think through what I’m going to say
• I am easily triggered into feeling unworthy
• I get defensive
• I am very independent
• I am unpredictable
Celebrate
I have lots of good traits too. We all have. We just spend far too long sometimes beating ourselves up for our foibles instead of celebrating our good traits. We are human, we are complicated beings. How we are varies from moment to moment and that is just how it is. Embrace every bit of you. Perfection doesn’t exist for a start and who wants to be perfect? I certainly don’t. I love the fact that we are individual, our own unique selves. That’s what makes us bloomin’ fabulous. Learning who I am first and foremost was life changing, accepting who I am allows me to live that life to the fullest and learning that who I am changes from moment to moment and that is ok enables me to have compassion for myself in the living of that life.
Consistency
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I somehow have it all sussed (if only!) or that life is easy, far from it. I consistently work on my personal growth whether it’s listening to podcasts, reading books or attending workshops etc. I love learning new things and developing my knowledge. I still have days when I am just grumpy and not nice to be around but luckily those days are so much fewer than before my breakdown.
I also know that I need to give myself time to feel the feelings that are making me grumpy, do something to nurture myself and it will pass. “Powering through” just doesn’t work anymore (it never did really) and it just makes the situation worse. Now I have my own business and work from home it is hard to switch off as my work is just there, all the time. I sometimes find myself just staring at my screen and if I’m tired I will have an hour to say watch something on Netflix or if I’m just restless I will go for a walk or do some yoga to shift the energy in my body. I will do something that nurtures me and allows me to reset.
Learning
I am learning to accept that my body knows what it needs and I am learning to listen. It’s a wonderful thing to have a fabulous relationship with yourself, to look after yourself, to care for yourself.
We are the only person we are guaranteed to be with for the rest of our life so it makes sense to be on our side.
February 2022
