The Books of Brené Brown
“It is not the critic who counts. It is not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly” Theodore Roosevelt
It was National Read a Book Day two days ago and I was inspired to do a post on my Instagram account (@safeandsupportedcoaching) with a book review. That got me thinking about some of my favourite books that helped me through my transformation, and onwards. So I decided to write about my favourite author, the fabulous Brené Brown (BB). She is from Houston, Texas and calls herself a researcher storyteller. She has spent the last 20 years or so researching shame! Shame is crippling and can hold us back from putting ourselves out in the world. She says that the difference between shame and guilt is that guilt tells us you did a bad thing, shame tells us you are bad. Shame is insidious. The antidote to shame, according to BB (and I agree) is empathy. Share your shame with trusted confidants who are worthy of your sharing, and experience their empathy. Shame cannot survive empathy. Sounds easy? It isn’t, but is worth it if you can do it.
I was introduced to BB by a lovely lady on a course I was on in 2017. I mentioned at the tea break that I thought I was having a midlife crisis and she told me about a blog she had read that very morning about BB’s midlife unravelling. I read the blog. It spoke directly to me and I was hooked on BB from that day.
The first book I read was “Daring Greatly”. At the same time I also watched BB’s TedTalk on the Power of Vulnerability. You can watch it on YouTube. I watched it and it told me to do what my counsellor had been trying to get me to do – take off my mask and show my true self. Be vulnerable. Pah! After all the years of keeping the mask firmly on, you must be joking. Despite my initial dismissal, I kept thinking about what I’d heard on the video and what I was reading in the book. I knew I wanted my life to be different so very slowly over time I let the mask slip, just a little bit at a time, and guess what? My world didn’t collapse and in fact the transformation has been a revelation.
Now, to the books. I read “Daring Greatly” first and then went back to the beginning and read them in the order they were written. BB herself says there is no real order; just read them as they come to you. Somehow I managed to read each book just I was getting to grips with what the particular book was about. Sometimes I read straight on to the next one, sometimes they were months apart but it was always just the right time.
The books are (and my take on them/what I got from them):
“I thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)” – this book is all about how we think are flaws are particular to us. No-one else can be this ……..stupid, fat, ugly, unlucky, unworthy … you get the idea. For instance I thought I was the only one that ate a whole packet of biscuits to numb the emptiness inside and I was so pleased when I discovered in a diet group I once attended (more on that another time) that there were lots of people who did that. It felt so good not to feel so alone with that secret anymore.
“The Gifts of Imperfection” – following on from realising it isn’t just us, this books helps us see that imperfection is a gift. Not something to hide away. We all have our flaws and they are what make us individual, ourselves. No-one is perfect, just some are better at hiding it. Take off the mask, embrace those flaws and LIVE. My mask was welded to my face for 47 years and a lot of it has fallen off. Still working on the rest.
“Daring Greatly” – this moves on to embracing vulnerability and letting the mask go. Dare to be you, with all your imperfections. Dare to express your needs, wants and desires. The title of this book was taken from the quote I started this post with and it’s on the wall in my office. It reminds me to dare greatly whenever I need a shove; it’s what made me start doing videos on Instagram.
“Rising Strong” – so when you dare greatly enough, you will get knocked down, sideways, backwards. This book is about getting back up, again and again and again. It’s tough, but so worth it.
“Braving the Wilderness” – once you learn to dare greatly and rise strong, there will be times (there will, I know) when you feel out on your own. The new you can cause ripples in your life, especially existing relationships, and sometimes waves. This book is about standing strong in the knowledge that you are now being a more authentic version of you, a you that you want to be, and this may see you standing alone at times. Be brave in that wilderness as rich times are ahead.
“Dare to Lead” – this pulls all the threads from the other books and shows us how to bring the new us to work or other places where we lead and to step up to a new brave way of leading. Leading with compassion, kindness and empathy putting the people at the centre rather than profit. Halle – bloomin’ – lujah I say.
So as you can tell, I’m a BB fan. I eagerly await the next book but in the meantime I have her podcast to soothe me (Unlocking Us) - give it a go, it is really worth a listen.
Published September 2020
