Are you a People-Pleaser?
Do you find yourself constantly trying to please others, even at the expense of your own needs and desires? Do you feel like you're stuck in a cycle of trying to gain approval and validation from others, but never quite feeling satisfied? If so, you might be a people-pleaser.
People-pleasing is a common trait among highly sensitive people. It's a way of coping with the overwhelming emotions and stimuli that we experience on a daily basis. By putting others' needs first and avoiding conflict, you can maintain a sense of control and safety in your relationships.
It keeps you stuck
However, while people-pleasing might seem like a good strategy in the short term, it can have serious long-term consequences. Here are some ways that people-pleasing keeps you stuck:
1. You neglect your own needs: When you're constantly trying to please others, you often neglect your own needs and desires. You might say yes to things you don't really want to do, or suppress your own emotions and opinions in order to avoid conflict. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and even physical illness.
2. You become dependent on external validation: People-pleasers often rely on external validation to feel good about themselves. You might base your self-worth on how much you're liked or approved of by others, rather than developing a strong sense of self. This can make you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse by others who know how to exploit your need for approval.
3. You limit our growth and potential: When you're constantly trying to please others, you might avoid taking risks or pursuing your own goals and dreams. You might be afraid of failing or disappointing others, so you stay in your comfort zone and don't take the steps necessary to grow and develop as individuals. This can lead to a sense of stagnation and unfulfillment over time.
How to break free
So, what can you do to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and live a more authentic and fulfilling life? Here are some tips:
Practice self-awareness: Start paying attention to your own needs and desires, and notice when you're putting others' needs first. Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I should?" Tune in to your own emotions and opinions, and give yourself permission to express them.
Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no when something doesn't feel right for you, and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Remember that it's okay to prioritise your own needs and well-being, even if it means disappointing someone else.
Develop a strong sense of self: Focus on building a strong sense of self-worth that's based on your own internal values and strengths, rather than external validation. Practice self-compassion and self-care, and surround yourself with people who support and encourage your growth and development.
Breaking free from people-pleasing isn't easy, but it's a necessary step towards living a more authentic and fulfilling life. By prioritising your own needs and desires, setting healthy boundaries, and developing a strong sense of self, you can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and start living life on your own terms. Hands up if you want that!
If you want some support recovering from people-pleasing, to find more joy in life or to talk about being an HSP, book a call and we can chat over a coffee. Click the button below to contact me
